It's All Good

A gut busting Texas BBQ was Chris's request for a graduation party to celebrate the happy events of this past weekend with family and friends. Denny was in charge of selecting, smoking and serving all the meat and preparing the side dishes. I made (or as we say in the South "fixed" the banana pudding and chocolate sheath cake. Denny mowed the front and back lawn late Sunday morning in the only dry interlude we've had in Seattle over the past week. I cleaned the house. As usual, the event was a cooperative adventure, a dance of sorts between Denny and me. We've done this many, many times before and our roles are well defined. He's got this job; I've got that job and somehow it all gets done.

The sun came out just in time for the party. We gathered outside mid-afternoon on Sunday and rejoiced in the warmth of the sun after days and days of rain, wind, grey and cold. June surely shone on our parade yesterday. The food....well, that was outstanding from start to finish. The guests....well, they were company of the highest quality from the youngest, kicking in Jessica's belly all the way up through us oldsters, like Ed Smith (sorry about that Ed). I loved seeing Chris enjoying a Corona, getting his face dunked in whipped cream, and most of all connecting with the friends and family who mean so much to him.

Ya'll had some big ole appetites yesterday; there were slim pickins for leftovers today! Yeah!

Commencement

At around 2:15 PM today Chris walked across the stage at Quest Field, a graduate with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Ministerial Studies from Seattle Pacific University. We were high up in the stands watching and even with a zoom lens on my camera, couldn't actually see Chris. Thankfully we brought binoculars. I did get some footage on my camera when they called his name (and his name was pronounced correctly too!).

Here's a few shots from this cold and cloudy but ever so happy day. We felt only a rare sprinkle of rain but were glad to have the coats and gloves for the three plus hour event. It could have been a lot worse considering the weather the last few days.






Congratulations Chris and to all the members of the class of 2008! You did it!

Ivy Cutting

This is Graduation Weekend at Seattle Pacific University. Events kicked off today with the 86th annual Ivy Cutting Ceremony. Usually held outside under the towering elms surrounding Tiffany Loop, today's chilling drizzle moved the event inside the Royal Brougham gymnasium on campus. Although we would have preferred to experience this rite of passage in sunshine, the symbolism, the joy and bittersweet of "moving on" for all these young graduates was heartfelt.

The tradition places all the graduates in their caps and gowns surrounding a long length of ivy in the shape of a large oval. At the end of the ceremony, the graduates lift up the length of ivy and specially selected faculty members cut the single woven strand into smaller pieces. Each graduate carries a small bit of ivy cut from the one strand to symbolize that their work as students of SPU is complete and they enter the world with ambition, dreams, and skills for the journey ahead. The ties between "child and parent" are cut. The photo above shows Chris with his mentor, Dr. Ed Smith.

I remember four years ago as Chris matriculated at SPU, a ceremony of welcome in the same Royal Brougham gymnasium placed the young faces of the nascent class of 2008 in the center of the gym floor, this time surround by the SPU faculty in caps and gowns. This marked the start of their journey together, the launch of the four years that would change them all. I thought at the time this was a powerful visual; likewise with today's event.

Graduation is a big deal. It marks an end and a new beginning. This is a time to celebrate and a time to reflect back on how it was for all of us on our big day and what it will be like for those in our family who look ahead to their time to be honored for academic achievements. "Worthy and well qualified", as Dean V. Thompson would say.

Congratulations Chris! Dad, Laura and I will be there to cheer when you cross the stage tomorrow.

"It Comforts Me"

From Mirriam-Webster on line dictionary

¹com·fort

Pronunciation:

\ˈkəm(p)-fərt\

Function:

transitive verb

Etymology:

Middle English, from Anglo-French cunforter, comforter, from Late Latin confortare to strengthen greatly, from Latin com- + fortis strong

Date:

13th century

1 : to give strength and hope to : to cheer
2 : to ease the grief or trouble of : to console

All my adult life, perhaps as far back as my late teenage years, I've been on the receiving end of my Mother's comment, "It comforts me." In fact, I've heard this uttered so many times that it is expected, the norm. I am not the only ear to these three words; I'm fairly certain that my siblings and others in the family recognize this brief and to the point statement as one of her fundamental truths. The sentence serves as a thank you, an acknowledgment to the giver of comfort that the "thing" they have done for her has satisfied a deep need for peace within. (definition #2 above: "to ease the grief or trouble of, to console").

"It comforts me." is usually spoken over the telephone in response to my/our call to report that the journey to wherever was safe and that I/we are fine. "Thank you," she will say, "It comforts me." My Mother is haunted by the specter of loss. She has forever sought relief of her anxieties over loss by waiting, sometimes impatiently and other times with incredible grace, for the phone call that confirms that once again tragedy has been outsmarted and that her loved one(s) is/are safe. Her self admitted "rich imagination" is at once fodder for great story telling but in her case, the source of nightmarish worry.

I have to wonder how my Mother's life might have been different had she known with certainty that she would not outlive her children, grandchildren, and now great-grandchildren. None of us is ever blessed with this guarantee but for those of us whose days are burdened and oft times paralyzed by the pain of anticipatory loss, the guarantee would symbolize the ultimate freedom. Eagle soaring in the sky freedom. Freed to really live, unencumbered, to risk making a mistake, messing up, or choosing the wrong path; all would then be acceptable in the grand scheme of things.

Why? What does worry and comfort and anticipatory loss have to do with living your best life? Everything. Worry is so time consuming and depleting that freedom from this need for comfort would change everything. Would that we could cut this lesion out with surgical precision and expunge it from our souls forever. For those who worry to excess, the beast itself becomes a balm, a potion, or a mystical antidote to those things most feared. The nonsensical notion that worry can affect the outcome of any situation, change the fates, or move mountains matters little to the worrier who is lost in the addiction.

Lest I be perceived as exposing too much of my Mother's private self for public view, it is really of me that I write. Although I don't use the phrase "It comforts me", my body receives a nourishing, yet temporary fix when I am assured that those I love are safe. And, as I've said before, my talent for defining the issue is solid, the solution (aside from "just get over it") is the challenge.

The Graduates

Two in my immediate family earn academic degrees within the next ten days. Chris graduates from Seattle Pacific University with a bachelor's degree in Educational Ministry this weekend and Denny graduates from U.W. School of Law a week later. When Denny entered Law School in the fall 2005, we realized that both he and Chris would celebrate this rite of (academic) passage together in June 2008. The date seemed a long way off at the time. And now we are here, in the moment when they receive much deserved accolades and diplomas to document their achievements. How many fathers and sons experience this rare convergence?

I am so proud of Chris and Denny. They have worked hard for these accomplishments. The road hasn't always been easy but both have persevered and arrived at the place where they will be honored by their respective schools and by loved ones who care deeply about their success and happiness. As my Dad has said countless times as a high school principal introducing graduating senior classes, "They are worthy and well qualified."

To these two most treasured men in my life: Congratulations on a job well done!

I love you!

Paycheck to Paycheck

Laura and I shared a girl's night out Monday evening taking in dinner and Sex and the City (fun movie by the way). True to the HBO series, the movie was punctuated by Carrie Bradshaw's running commentary with her ever familiar phrases like, "I had to wonder...." and "Meanwhile....". I've always liked that about the show; Carrie seems to translate all of life's events into fodder for her writing.

My own "I had to wonder...." thoughts often come to me in the car as I drive, usually on my way to work through downtown city streets. Today was rainy, chilly, misty and my thoughts took me back to the Yoga Weekend. And then, that thought morphed quickly into my walk from car to building yesterday morning. I must have had a quick, light step because a critical care doc walking behind me said, "Good morning, Doctor Kate; you seem quite energetic today". Indeed. I shared that I had spent the weekend at a yoga retreat and he remarked, "Ahhh, no wonder." A few more shared words about how such a treat might re-arrange the stuck, trodden down, rote ways and enliven the spirit (he got it) transpired between us. But then he knowingly mused, "This too shall pass."

Yep this too has passed. Far too quickly the bits of magic from my weekend float away from my grasp and into the archives of my mind resting in the folder entitled "the peace that was". Perhaps they will burst forth again, allowing me to harness the benefits of those days of rejuvenation. I seem to have blown the entire wad in one day. I have to wonder, why do I live from emotional paycheck to emotional paycheck? Why can't I get a decent balance in the account so it doesn't go dry so fast? I already know the answer: the deposits need to keep on coming in even if they are small and more importantly, the withdrawals need to slow way down.

P.S. This is my 200th post on Ahead of the Wave. I'm proud of that. I also know that each post is a deposit of sorts into that account that nourishes my soul.

Yoga Retreat

Three days and two nights sequestered in the woods of Whidbey Island this weekend for a women's yoga retreat offered the chance for renewal of mind and body as well as connection with natural beauty. I signed up and paid for this retreat months ago, before I let myself think too much about the cost or the time commitment. This was clearly the right choice because the hours away were pure tonic; necessary, rejuvenating, and healthy.

The Whidbey Institute, a gorgeous venue for this retreat, provided nourishment in the form of beautiful surroundings and fabulous vegetarian cuisine (I felt virtuous and healthy) as well as cozy accommodations. My little room in the "Farmhouse" was the size of a closet but had everything I needed, including a down comforter and a window with a view of tall pines. The grounds, lush with new spring growth, offered constant invitation with paths leading deep into the woods. Wildlife was abundant, especially birds whose song was near constant, beginning pre-dawn and heard until dusk. The air felt fertile with the promises of spring, fresh and new.

This group of 22 women, guided by our amazing instructor Lee, made a journey together, harnessing the benefits of this most peaceful place. Our yoga practices were the structure around which the other wonderful moments developed; exploration of the grounds, chatting around wooden tables as we fueled our bodies with delicious food, enjoying a sweat in the sauna, a meditative walk through the outdoor labyrinth, a fire at dusk on Saturday evening, and countless other treasured memories. The yoga experience included focus on the second (sacral) and fourth (heart) chakras, pranayama breathing practices (held in the beautiful sanctuary building), guided meditation, asana and luxurious, indulgent shavasana. I'm happy to report that my bum knee was well behaved, helped by a tight ace wrap. I kept up with most of the moves and could sit cross legged for meditation. Aspirin and naprosyn eased the journey. I overheard others saying the same so didn't feel alone with my creaky joints and over-stretched muscles.

The labyrinth was unlike any I have ever walked; rustic, wild. At once disheveled in appearance by tall grasses and weeds, the path led us boldly into the center and back out again. Created from an orderly arrangement of black rocks in the style of the labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral, the path was covered with wood shavings which invited bare feet. This labyrinth was untamed, sacred, yet playful in its unevenness. Many in our group had never walked a labyrinth and I enjoyed hearing their fresh, new comments. "A metaphor for life"; "All of us walking the same path but in different ways"; "A longer walk than I had thought". All this makes me wonder (again) how I could create my own smaller version in the backyard. I've nurtured this dream for years but have always come up with reasons to talk myself out of any action. I wonder.... I'm especially encouraged by a labyrinth that does not have to be prim, proper and trimmed to be effective. I don't think I'm up for that sort of deliberate maintenance (unless caring for it became a mediation practice of sorts).

My favorite parts of the weekend? I have two. The first was filling a small bag that Lee gave each of us with "ten items from nature". We used this series of ten, tokens plucked from the earth, for a tender meditation Sunday morning in the sanctuary, an exercise that strengthened our awareness of the fundamental connection and interdependence of all things natural. My items were all once living things (no stones). I wasn't sure what to do with this carefully selected group of ten after the weekend retreat; I brought the small bag home with me as a remembrance. One was a fragile brilliant blue robin's egg that I found in two pieces while combing the wilds of the property. Although the egg was my surprise in the group of ten, the simple three leaf clover (now wilted), the moss covered bark, and the group of tiny pine cones were desperately beautiful as well.

My second favorite moment(s) came with the opportunity to listen intently and move as we wished (or not) to Jennifer Berezan's hauntingly gorgeous CD, Returning early Saturday evening. Lying on the hardwood floor of the studio hearing the continuous chant, as recorded in the Oracle Chamber in the Hypogeum in Malta (renowned as a sacred space with impressive acoustics) brought me out of my stillness and into interpretive dance mode. I moved until I could no more and then relaxed back into the floor to the unending chant of "Returning, returning, returning; to the the Mother of us all". This is fodder for another blog; the message resonates deeply.

Transitioning back into my everyday life yesterday afternoon was fairly smooth; it felt a bit odd to drive my car again, to see so many people out and about, doing their own thing, to visit with Mom and Dad and to share in brief what my weekend had been. And today, I head back to work for a few days with the hope that I will carry within my heart the bits of joy, wisdom, peace, and compassion that bubbled forth, a reminder that it takes more than eyes to really "see".

Addendum 6/6/08....

Lee just emailed this photograph of our yoga group taken after the last class and before our final lunch together. We look relaxed, mellow, and restored don't we?