This morning I fall into a 7 day on-call rotation for the hospital service. Dread. Exhaustion. Seemingly endless issues which have no permanent fix. Nothing I do is like taking out an inflamed appendix in an otherwise healthy person and meeting up with a cure. Nothing.
I'm strangling.
All I can do is give my best self to this job, come home and vegetate, sleep, get up and go at it again. Over and over.
There is no energy left over for blogging, gardening, nurturing relationships, exercising.
Triathlon? Out the window.
My depression is overpowering me. Again. Never ever does it go away forever despite my hopes and creative pharmacology.
For weeks I've felt this way. Can't shake it.
And so, I cut back, eliminate, and ruminate. My life is WORK and my DAD in that order. And, downtime....on the couch watching TV, eating, reading, trying to regain some energy to start it all up the next day.
For now, blogging is on hold until I can get out of this mess. Again.
I wish you vigorous walks and swims. See you very soon.
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