Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Checking In

It's mid-morning. I have been up since around 7:30, had 2 cups of coffee and half an Imitrex. And, I've "checked in" with my children and my parents; four phone calls as they are all in different places. This is on the early side for a full check-in but it started with Chris's call here at 7:45. He's not feeling too well; sore throat and the like. Then, I called Mom at the rehab unit to see how her night went; "terrible" apparently. Dreams as real as life, confusion and anxiety are ongoing. Then, in the middle of that conversation, my cell phone rings and it is Laura checking in on her way to "Econ class". She is well, the most stable and upbeat of the group at the moment. It's an easier week for her and she is looking forward to coming home for Thanksgiving. After I talked with Laura, I called Dad who must have been right by the phone because he picked up after two rings. He sounded good overall; had been down to breakfast with his buddies and had fielded a call from the company that will drop by a wheelchair, walker, and bedside commode today in anticipation of Mom's return tomorrow. Dad said there was "extra bacon" all around at breakfast today. I asked if he wanted to go visit Mom today and he paused, "Not if it's an extra trip for you." I told him it would be and he declined. I think he sees how tough it is on me to get him up to the hospital and if Mom is coming home tomorrow, well.....maybe there's no urgency. Clearly he is lonely but maybe he can hold out another day.

I feel restless. It's not that I don't want to "check in". It's that I feel a lump in my throat whenever the phone rings or whenever I find a "missed call" on my cell. I just never know what information is going to come at me and what I will need to do (aside from listen) with the information. Feelings that I should be eternally connected to that telephone just in case fuel the edginess and sense of never being free of the need to be in touch. It's my own internal wiring at work.

I'd go to yoga class today but this tendinitis in my knee is fierce. Where's the aspirin and the ace wrap?

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