Heart Center

Today my "heart center" aches. This is a familiar feeling; due to the physical stretching and opening of the anterior chest that comes with certain yoga poses or with swimming. Usually a good feeling, each breath in and breath out reminds me that the heart chakra (in the case of yoga; pictured to the left as a green flower with twelve petals) opens or, in the case of swimming, that progress comes as I achieve my stride in freestyle.

But today, my weary muscles ache in much the same way but my body feels anything but enlivened and my mind anything but peaceful. The pull in my upper back and the tightness across my chest comes from the repetitious, determined lifting of another for the last 18 hours. Seated to standing, seated to standing, seated to standing. Moving another upwards on an unforgiving gurney, rearranging positions, lifting and bending weight that requires my support.

I have been a caregiver of some sort for decades but only intermittently in the physical realm moving thick, dense weight from place to place. Yet another facet to consider in the totality of rendering care to someone in need, this physical chore takes a toll on the mind as well.

My heart center aches today; a physical manifestation of an emotional state as much as stretched and weary muscles. Like a steady weight pushing me deeper and further out into the unknown fray where nothing is familiar and nothing will stay the same. This, the unpredictable undertow churns with mighty force. I am so tired.