"For every complex problem, there is an answer that is simple, neat, and wrong."
"Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas."
by H. L. Mencken
This is how I feel about some of the decisions generated by our "committee of five"** over the last 24 months with regard to the care needs of our aging parents. Mom and Dad are critical members of this committee to be sure but we, as the middle aged children, solid citizens sandwiched between the generations are in the position of power. This responsibility I enjoy not, particularly my fears that the next step still won't be quite right.
Why is it so difficult to find the solution? The answer is simple; much like buying a house (unless fortunate to have the resources to design the project from ground up) you must "settle" for a flaw here, an undesirable feature there for the perceived greater good. There are so many factors to consider; two individuals with different needs, level of social support, location, square footage (becoming smaller with each move), safety, and financial issues. There's bound to be need for compromise but the hope is that the positives outweigh the negatives. We can't be faulted for not trying. We are a tenacious force; searching, weighing options and pressing forward because settling for status quo is not an option. There must be something better out there.
Mom and Dad's time at Crista, in my view, was a "hiccup", an innocently misguided choice that just didn't work. Although we all suffer in the process of another move, it is the two in question who struggle the most as they uproot from the only permanence they know and transition again into the unknown with new faces, routines, and physical surroundings. One has to hope that the wildlife, the view of green, city and mountains, the feeling of home and skilled caretakers who connect and honor these two as revered elders with a lifetime of experiences and wisdom will bring some peace into their lives. They deserve nothing less.
** DVT, DBT, MMH, JT, and KT
Well, I'm in tears. All five of us have given our best efforts and there is no truly good solution, given that the facts and emotions on which we base our decisions are in perpetual motion. We catch a wave and hope it is a good one. Each of us, but most especially, Mom and Dad, really get buffeted about.
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