We are here; the last day of May 2009.
How many months need to come to a close and a new month begin before I can get a "toehold" on anything?
Buddhist teaching would remind me that all this "toehold" business is about "grasping" and as long as one enjoys that particular frame of mind, being stuck will be a matter of course, predictable and self repeating.
I read Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart last week; read it in a day hoping to absorb the words and impact my thinking. The following day when life threw me yet another curve ball and I couldn't deal, I flung the book across the room. It hit the closet door and dropped to the floor, unharmed. How can I be this far along in life and be regressing into a lightless cave? Has life peaked and I'm on the down slope? How does one change the chemistry of the mind, the tight hold that our thoughts have on our experience?
May did not bring me a toehold. June won't either.
Impermanence. Change. The. Fleeting. Nature. Of. Everything.