Giving Voice to Anger and Pain

I decided to pen a letter to the new owners of the house across the street; the house that as I write this post is being demolished. There are so many ways the letter could be written and some I probably should write and then burn as a form of therapy. But, I decided to write one that emphasized how their plans impacted me as the neighbor directly across the street. I acknowledged that they had all the right in the world to do as exactly as they did (which was to give no "heads up" and no verbalized appreciation for the fact that construction is a visual and auditory assault that goes on for months) My goal was to suggest that neighbors communicate and that there was a breach of the more subtle laws of civility going on here.

The letter goes out in the mail today. I signed it and gave my address. I own this letter and I stand behind it whether it backfires in my face or not. I feel very strongly that someone (that would be me and maybe there will be others) needs to tell these two grown people that their choices do impact others. They may not care. They may get angry. Or not. But something will happen. Something.

I have to remember what Mom has always said when I go whining about injustices inflicted on me by others.....she always reminds me that "It's a long road that doesn't have a turn.". I interpret that to be some law about karma and people eventually having to own up to the shitty choices they've made, especially ones that hurt other people. Yikes!

Here's what I said in my letter:

Dear....

This is a difficult letter for me to write. I want to welcome you to the neighborhood on ...Avenue West. Yet I feel the need to honestly share with you how it feels to be on the receiving end of the plans for your new home. I’m reminded again that whatever we do in life impacts others, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in larger ways. It’s so easy to forget this fact when we’re busy. It’s something I’ve tried to remind myself to remember frequently.

I’m writing from my perspective only, as your neighbor directly across the street at .... We have lived on this block for over seventeen years with a view of the Matter’s house from our front windows. I know that times move on, ownership changes hands, and people join the neighborhood with new plans for their property. While it makes me sad to lose the last bit of sound and mountain views we have from our upstairs windows, I have to accept that things like this happen all the time. It is what it is and we’ll adjust.

We’ll also have to adjust to the disruptions inherent in a project like this; congested traffic flow, the added noise of construction, and the time factor that comes with the demolition followed by the rebuilding which will go on for many months. This does impact your neighbors. We will live it; you will move in when it’s finished.

I’m happy that you’ll have your dream home. I remember meeting you, Dan, shortly after you purchased the house. You were in the driveway and I came over, introduced myself and we talked about how my daughter Laura had done some babysitting for your family in the past. I asked when you were going to move in and what you told me was that you were still considering options and didn’t know what the plans would be. I made the unfortunate assumption that if you were planning on a tear down and a total re-build, we might be advised. Although you certainly don’t have an obligation to divulge your plans to anyone, it saddens me that you didn’t.

I wish that you had knocked on my door (the earlier the better; it helps psychologically to get prepared), sat me down and said, “Kate; these are our plans. Yes, I get it that there will be noise, and construction, and hassle and the like but, that’s the way it’s going to be.” I might not have been happy about it inside but your honesty and your willingness to acknowledge that your decisions affect other people, and in this case your neighbors, very deeply would have gone a long way in easing the pain and disruption of this transition.

In my opinion, when all is said and done, it boils down to communication with those who are directly affected by our decisions and actions. That’s the starting point for enduring relationships and what I would hope neighbors might enjoy.

Sincerely,