I like hearts. Could it be the bi-lobed shape or the symbolism of the heart that attracts my attention? I'm not entirely sure but one thing I do know is that I've gathered a small collection of heart shaped items through the years. Some have been gifts, others my own purchases. Awhile back I placed all my hearts together in a group, on a shelf. They just sit there for the most part; one holds some hard candies, another loose change, another odd buttons.
The heart I like the most is the plate that was a gift one year from my Mom, probably twenty years ago. It says:
"Always my Daughter, now too my Friend"
I remember opening the gift and thinking, "Oh, that's sweet". But, I didn't really "get it", not for awhile. Years later I sort of understood and then when my own daughter was nearing young adulthood, I began to wonder about the daughter-friend dynamic. Was it possible? Was it even advisable? I go back and forth on the message etched into this plate.
I am definitely a daughter to my mother but am I also her friend? She's beyond having friends at this phase of her life. Were we ever really friends? There was so much I kept from her, so much I tried to protect her from learning about my life. But, there were also times when I let it all hang out, the raw edges of my pain, the fear, and the uncertainty. She was always there for me. Just like a friend.
I have never had a friendship with my mom. There is not the respect and listening that I think is essential in a friendship. On the other hand my daughter and I are good friends. At age 30 she is an adult and able to make her own decisions. We like each other, a lot, and enjoy spending time together as equals. I knew early on that I needed to be a different kind of mom than my mother, and I am grateful every day that I was because it has allowed me to grow as my children have grown and see them as the adults they have become.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post Kate.
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