Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dreams of Regret

Dreams have themes. For me, a recurrent theme is struggle under pressure. I'm trying to get something done and find myself thwarted at every turn. Throw in the bizarre, a commonality of most dreams, and a non-nightmare can seem nightmarish. The disturbing threads pieced together make for a crazy quilt which sticks with me well into the morning. Even more mysterious to me is that unless written down, the intensity of the dream dissolves quickly, like a fog that lifts exposing sunshine.

Last night's foray into madness bubbled into consciousness as I lay in bed guzzling coffee. My mind was focused on blasting out what is now day #4 of a morning migraine; strong coffee will sometimes do the trick. Suddenly, I recalled the dream. The theme was different; I'd say more along the lines of: regret, for a dumb decision.

from the movie, The Road

Dusty dream, black and white, like Cormac McCarthy's The Road
Laura is getting married but we aren't attending the wedding
Even her fiance who resists ceremony is not attending, choosing to spend his time with Denny and me as we drive and walk about a landscape unfamiliar, exploring on foot and in a car
Our reasons for being elsewhere on a such an important day remain unexplored
Free of concerns we move forward
There are animals, small creatures, who may be our pets
Out of control they frolic about eating wet tissues
My guilt for not being present at my daughter's wedding surfaces, gaining strength
Why did I make such a foolish decision?
I'm overwhelmed with sadness. The fiance and Denny seem oblivious
We stumble upon an ancient woman in a wooden shack
A wise soothsayer resting on a shabby chaise
She attracts these small animals of ours; they nestle into her sagging neck
I explain my grief to her; she has nothing to say
Nothing that will explain why I am not standing with my daughter on her special day
Regrets. Regrets that cannot be undone

Ms. Laura: I promise I'll be the proud mother at your wedding. Who knows where this dream came from? Weddings  must be on my mind.


  1. I wouldn't know how to interpret this dream but maybe it means that you are afraid of letting your daughter go. (the little animals could represent your children and you bring them to the soothsayer who does not understand your grief, because as a mother, you have to learn to let go.
    In any case, I have a recurring dream that is more like a nightmare. I am in school and find out that there are going to be exams, final exams. Math exams. But I don't know anything. I haven't studied. I desperately try to cram, but know it is of know avail. I am going to fail. I dreamt this just a couple days ago. Tina

  2. Before I wrote the first comment I hadn't read the other blogs about Mrs. Thompson being in the ER. Your daughter's wedding in the dream is probably your niece's wedding and you are worried about your Mom. About having to let go. The little animals might represent your childhood.
    I hope everything works out alright with your mother. When people of that age go to the ER room, it isn't always serious. We had this guy in church who was in in his 90s. For years, we kept hearing that Walter was once again in the ER room with a heart problem, please pray for him, etc., but he was always fine afterwards. Of course, one day (just recently) his time did come, at 93. Hey! I'll put Mrs. Thompson (Doris) on the prayer list at church tomorrow (Tina)


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