"I Love You, Darling"

A lone telephone message from my Mom is saved on my home answering machine from a call she made at least four months ago, maybe more. She called one Thursday afternoon, left a 45 second message and hung up. Although I  listened to her message only once, I decided to save it. I couldn't bear to hit the erase button but have no idea why. Dozens of messages have been received and deleted since then, including several today. Mom's message remains in the #1 spot, saved and archived. But I never listen to it; I haven't wanted to.

Tonight, in the midst of moods of alternating sadness and calm, I hit the play button on that machine and listened, really listened to her words. The story line didn't make much sense but that's not the point. It's what she said at the end of the call that put me over the top. "I love you darling". How many hundreds if not thousands of times have I heard her call me darling and tell me I am loved? As recently as a month ago, she'd say the same words just as we would hang up the phone.

And now?

I'll never hear these words again.. 

I still want my Mother.

It's so hard to let her go.

There is no one else who has ever called me darling.