"These are Difficult Times"

"These are difficult times.", my father-in-law would say. He might be referencing the personal issues of the day or the general state of affairs.

I'm remembering him today and what it felt like to lose him to an illness that was sudden and swift in its progression. He had many famous quotes but this is one of my favorites. "These are difficult times" about sums up life for me right now.

My Mom is dying. She is on hospice care at the adult family home. I see changes in her daily; a letting go and a holding on, surrender and resistance, fight and flight. Last evening she was sleeping in a reclining wheelchair and was difficult to arouse. She opened her eyes after much coaxing but I imagine she saw little of the real world. As if  in a dense fog, her eyes seemed empty and blank. She had no words for me. She gently pushed my hand away when I tried to touch her arm.

I told my Dad that I thought her refusal to eat and drink was her way of "giving up", surrendering to death. He looked at me with wistful eyes and said, "I bet you're right". He knows she won't come back from this. We all do. It's just a matter of time and a short time at that.


"These are difficult times."  I hear you, E.J. I hear you loud and clear.