Tomorrow morning we celebrate the life of my Mom at her Memorial Service. I never imagined this day although I should have, witnessing first hand the slow but steady deterioration in her health over the last years. I could envision her death; how I might feel and react. But the service? I've had no particular thoughts. I've surrendered most of the details related to her service to others. Grateful for the steady, devoted work of my sister and her daughters to move this special day forward, I feel I've done little. I've made lots of phone calls, sent many emails, advising friends of her passing and the date/time of her service.I've spent time with my Dad. I've cried a few times; been irritable, sad, exhausted, wistful, but firmly in the moment.
But I'm Thinking. Thinking in between living, eating, cleaning, falling asleep, and putting together pieces of a puzzle that we started the day before she died. Disorganized and primitive these thoughts. I'm hoping to get some grip on a theme, some way I can organize my jumbled thoughts into flowing words that have special meaning for me. I;m searching for words that I might speak at her service tomorrow. Easier said than done.