I'm plowed under; emotionally and physically beat. This has been a butt of a week.
I'm beginning to feel as though this so-called 0.8 time is a joke; it's every bit full-time by the hours and probably more. I'm off on Mondays but Tuesday-Friday I'm working 8-9 hours with 2 hours plus on the computer at home every evening cleaning up work that I couldn't finish while at the office. Paperwork is strangling me or better said, computer documentation is claiming my life, infiltrating into my home time, my me-time and on and on.
Complain, complain. Yes, I'll complain.
We're short staffed at work; there are too few doctors for the volume and complexity of our patients. We're short staffed with office personnel who seem to be calling in sick regularly. Today I had another migraine headache; my third this week. Pop an imitrex and get to work. Go. Just. Do. It. It really bugs me that not all on our team share in the work ethic and think nothing of leaving us in the lurch to make do without them. Call me intolerant, demanding, and wed to unattainable ideals of teamwork. I am. That, I am.
I've seen so many patients this week they're blending together, their complexities and individual issues jumbled into a ball of pain. Once dictated, the details implode. Thank goodness for a medical record. I have to remind myself to never, ever walk into an exam room "cold". The prior notes need scrutiny or else the first five minutes of the encounter is me trying to cover up my confusion and seeming lack of sharpness. I cover well but inside the landscape is really scary.
I've got the next three days away from work. Can I keep myself disengaged or will there be this insane and unhealthy pull to log back on and work remotely, to get ahead of the wave of work coming my way next week? Oh, my God but I'm weary.
The problem is....once I get a bit of time away from work, my focus shifts to my Dad and his social needs. He needs me to visit, to be his daughter, to take him to church, to just be there for him.
Meantime, I'm trying to get in shape for the Triathlon. That's a good thing because whenever I can drag my sorry ass through a workout, I feel better instantly.
Where's the balance? How can I navigate this terrain without as we say, "shorting out" big time? I've been there, done that and it wasn't good.
I'm trying. I'm trying.