Wallowing in Misery

Historically, the day before Thanksgiving is either the most favorite day of the year for me or if not, way up there with the top five. Last year on this day, I blogged about my love for this day. But today is anything but joyful for me. I feel overwhelmed by duties, a messy house, the pressure to cultivate gratitude, by ailing and unhappy parents, the fact I won't see my daughter for the first time on Turkey Day and on it goes. I just wish the holiday was over, that I could close my eyes and sleep through it all, awakening sometime next week. Sure, my life will still be the same, more or less, but I'll have had some time with dreams, restless as they may be, and be lying horizontal instead of pushing through vertically oriented tasks.

Yesterday came the assault of chain saws across the street and a fire truck in front of Mr. Matter's former house. When he died last year, his family sold the house to a couple with young children sometime last spring. We waited for the family to move in but nothing ever happened. We knew this likely meant they were planning to "build up" to get their so called "sweeping sound and mountain views". Not quite; it's worse. With all the commotion going on at the property yesterday we learned that the house is now a "practice palace" for in-training firefighters. The house is a "tear down" we learned so the fledgling firefighters are using ladders to access the roof and chain saws to cut gaping holes in said roof. Good for them I suppose. They need experience.

For me, I witness the slow destruction of a house that has been my front window view for the last eighteen years. I can only imagine the monstrosity (aka new construction) that will come in its place. The bit of blue and mountains we see from our bedroom window will be no more, turned into the brick facade of another family's home.

I wonder if they'll be happy. Do things like this bring happiness? I asked Denny this question today. He just shook his head and said, "I don't think about things like that." I wonder why I do. Questions like this chew at my soul sometimes.

On a day when I should be savoring the sunshine and the opportunity to celebrate a glorious meal tomorrow with my 91 year old parents, my husband and son, I'm ploughing around in the underbrush of sadness. I certainly wish one and all a Happy Thanksgiving. It's the best holiday of them all in my opinion. I'm just not in the mood for it this year. Is there the equivalent of "Bah Humbug" for Turkey Day?