Sunday, January 20, 2008


"Wiggy-Jiggy"; that's what I am today and have been for the last few days. What this means to me is restless and agitated, other descriptives that fit my state of mind perfectly. I've got so many different things pressing on my brain and they are all conjoining to bug the hell out of me. Work, elderly parents, my children, my house, what to do with my "free time" (e.g. creative opportunities), money, my parent's expenses, long term and short term goals, and even bigger things like politics and the environment. There is just too much going on right now even though the days themselves peel away in an orderly fashion without major upset or drama. It's all below the surface.

I can't sleep. My insomnia which has been going on in one fashion or another for years, is boldly in my face again. Wide awake at 2:30 AM every morning, I find myself either reading or just lying there thinking. I spend way too much time in the bed not sleeping. My doctor tells me that the bed is for two things only: sleep and sex. This, she says, is proper "sleep hygiene". Apparently if you use your bed for surfing the net, writing blogs, daydreaming, writing checks, watching TV, reading, or staring out the deck window into the pine tree whilst imagining faces in the branches, this all takes its toll on your ability to then sleep in the bed when you need to do so. I'm in bad shape if that's the case. I'll have to create a sanctuary elsewhere to do all these other things that I currently do while in my bed.

Everyday I get up and out of bed with the goal of getting back in the bed. What happens in between is done with full-on intensity (usually) and is done well (usually) but the goal is always to get it done so that I can crawl back in between the sheets. I've been this way most of my adult life but I think it needs to change. I will work on finding another place to associate with retreat and peace from the day's responsibilities.

Meditation is good for the "wiggy jiggy" of life. Several years ago I took a 6 week class in "Insight Meditation". Perhaps I need to go back to that again. Exercise is good too. Yoga is good and I try to go once a week. But still, even after a great yoga class in the evening, here comes 2:30 AM and I'm wide awake thinking and wishing I could just turn off the brain for a moment.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave a comment!