Sad and Vulnerable

I feel sad about what happened today.

And then I move from sadness to vulnerability. I feel vulnerable. And worried.

Why is it that when tragedy strikes (relatively) close to home that my mind shifts and focuses sharply on the possibility of loss like this in my own life? A tragic event does not make another tragic event any more likely. That's the rational voice but one that wouldn't belong to me. I'm swept away on a wave of irrational fears. Exposed and afraid.

What happened today was the report of the sudden and unexpected death of a fellow student of Laura's at college. No details yet; just some theories and talk. Laura knew her from the dorm freshman year and from shared classes over the last 4 years. She was to have graduated along with Laura in early May. And now she's gone, her young life tragically taken. Why? For what reason? How can her parents bear the pain?

These questions well up in me with no answers and my mind instantly locks on to the 290 mile drive home my daughter will make tomorrow night for Easter weekend. Ominous and threatening; suddenly I'm afraid.

Some say this is learned behavior. Others say it is "hard wired" into our genes. Probably a bit of both in my case; I am my mother's daughter and I learned from the "master".

I'll be glad to fold my arms around my daughter tomorrow night and hold her close to me. I ache inside for the parents of the young woman who died yesterday.