My mouth is getting me into trouble these days. Sometimes the words are out before I can think, before the thoughts even register in my brain. Dangerous. Other times the words register but I think, "what the hell; I'll just say it anyway". I've opened my big mouth so many times in the last weeks only to wish I hadn't.
Words are impossible to take back and I just have to hope that perhaps some of them were not really heard, or understood, or taken "that way". I have to hope that forgiveness exists and that giving each other some slack is a two way street, a shared understanding that when things are rough we lash out verbally as if it's the only way to validate our existence. I'm feeling Lost again.
I anguish about my lack of control.
What do we do with words that want to be spoken? I guess one solution is to write them and then burn them up, tear them up, or file them away. How might my experience of these days be different, or better, or calmer if I could just SHUT UP?
I may give it a try. Tomorrow.
I'm at my best sometimes when I don't say anything. Writing does help. Sometimes to write down and shred. Sometimes to write about it in a funny light.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having a rough day.
I tend to hold too much in - and then stew like crazy. There seems to be a middle-ground - that can be hard to find. I wish I had some insight here... Sometimes it's good to just do what you did here - write about the struggle :)
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem as jennyonthespot. Writing in a journal helps, and I'm learning that writing posts about it helps too. If something slips out, it's okay to say "sorry" later. I hope things even out for you.
ReplyDeleteWe must be psychic (verbal)siblings. I was talking to my mom today... feeling this pressure to say things I know I would likely regret... feeling this pressure to snap at her...... feeling this pressure to let her know how pissed off she was making me. Instead- I bit my lip, my tongue and anything else I could get my teeth on. I did keep my big mouth shut. Amazing. Maybe therapy really does work. :)
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