The days and hours count down to the moment when we bid Miss Laura goodbye and send her on her way to Europe for the long anticipated year of "studies abroad" in Florence. She leaves in less than two weeks for the opening tour to Berlin, Krakow, and Prague. Then, it's on to Florence, life in a pensione and classes Monday to Thursday with three day weekends designed to explore all that Italy offers. A dream come true; I'd love to be in her shoes and am more than envious of what looks to be a trip of a lifetime.She may elect to stay in Europe the entire eight months. The study abroad program offers a "Christmas Tour" each year and most students opt for that instead of the long, expensive trek home. This year the holiday tour is going to be chilly and dark (northern latitudes) but likely quite wonderful with travels to Denmark, Sweden, and St. Petersburg, Russia. Seattle hardly stands a chance unless homesickness prevails.
I feel under the gun to get an endless list of stuff accomplished (and that doesn't include the task of thoughtful packing which is by far the hugest challenge) by the time September 5th rolls around. But, it's not my stuff; it's hers. Trouble is I seem to be the only one getting tense. If I had the guts, I'd restrict myself to asking a single question around about September 4th, "What time do you want to leave for the airport?" and let the in-between details play out on her timetable. But, like I said, that takes guts and I have none.
Meantime, we are all up in each other's faces about said details and drama prevails. She knows I have her back and I know I'm up to my old tricks. A wise adviser suggested I back off (as usual) but do I listen? How likely is it that I can suddenly turn around habits of a lifetime even though I "get it" on an intellectual level? The annoying "tick tock, tick tock" of time passing is not only making me restless, it's making me miss her even though she's still in my house! As I try to avoid that most desperate and helpless feeling generated by a phone call from 7000 miles away about something that could have been done beforehand when time was ample and un-pressured, I'm fueling the fire with my own shit. Alas.
Chill out, meddlin' mama. Chill out. Where's the vitamin C?
You're a mom and doing the best you can. I've learned to let my kids know how I'm feeling, that I want to help even if they don't want me to. I keep my own list and narrow it down to the most essential "do you have's" to ask about before the suitcase is zipped up. Have faith that you'll be fine and so will she.
ReplyDeleteYou are giving yourself very good advice right in this post. The last few sentences are right on. In the end, will it matter 'big picture' if you send some things after she's there? In the end, you are both smart women and the tug, tug of war is not about what it appears to be about. I am sending good thoughts your way. As you say, Chill out and grab the vitamin C.
ReplyDeleteI say this with much love for your both.
Your post brought back memories of my son's term studying in London during his junior year. It was a wonderful opportunity -- and a huge leap of faith for the whole family, even though we're all well traveled. Your daughter will have the experience of a lifetime, and come back mature and changed by the experience. All will be well, as you know. But I hear ya -- it's hard not to be a meddlin' mama! Letting go is hard.
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