Random Thoughts on Work

Almost two years ago, on a Friday in mid September 2006, I made a rather sudden decision to take a leave of absence from my full time work as a Nephrologist. I left my practice and took two months off, using the time for many purposes, including hands-on care of parents whose health was in rapid decline. In the in-between moments, I racked my brain, pondering how (or if) I could possibly return to the work I had been doing for over twenty years. Knowing that fundamental changes were necessary to reclaim myself from punishing mental and physical exhaustion, the time off was critical. I learned that the analogy of a lobster placed in tepid water with the heat slowly rising is a relatively painless process until the bitter end of ultimate sacrifice when it's just too late. In my case, I had slowly ramped up the intensity of my work until I hit the wall running full speed, never realizing how burned up I'd become.

I'm musing today, some two years down the line as I consider how different my work life is these days. When I got back in the game after my two months off, I accepted that I had to change fundamentally the way I practiced medicine. Gone was the traditional model of working five days a week, in clinic and hospital, with one week in four "on call". I now work "mostly weekends" as I tell my family, friends and colleagues. Although I have a few clinic days a month, I no longer have a panel of patients. I no longer serve as a primary care doctor. I believe these days are over. My work continues to challenge me; it just comes in smaller doses although the intensity in the midst of the fray is unchanged.

Is this work schedule sustainable? I wonder constantly. For now there's a need and a niche for me, despite the unusual schedule. But, for the long haul? I don't know. I feel under pressure to figure out the next step, wanting to stay ahead of the wave (hmmmm) and prepared for the day when I'm told that the more traditional path is what's needed of me; take it or leave it. I'm ramping up my creativity, hoping to cull out what I do best and make it what's needed by patients and the institution that pays my salary. I need the healthier work-life balance as we all do. In the olden days (of medical careers), people didn't worry too much about work-life balance. Medicine was supposed to be your life. Thankfully, this dinosaur is dying off.

So much for random musings. I'm tired after my 4 day/night stint as the on-call doctor. It was a full, chaotic, challenging but rewarding romp through territory with unpredictable frustrations, wins and losses. Awakened every night multiple times, I'm weary and ready to sleep through the night. Glad for the next few days off, I'll recover in time for the next sprint.