Bathrooms

Each time Mom and Dad move (three times in less than two years), they've downsized. Their private and common areas become smaller and as they lose space, furniture and "things" go back to their Arapahoe home for storage. They've transitioned from a house with three bedrooms and two baths to a small apartment at Merrill Gardens (two baths however), then to two adjacent small rooms with a toilet in between at Crista Assisted Living and now to an adult family home (AFH) where each has a bedroom. Just a bedroom. The rest of the house, including bathroom is shared with the other residents. This dormitory style living may not be a hardship for teenagers and twenty-somethings who share rooms in a rental house or dorm but I think about Mom and Dad and know they must feel a loss after so many years of living in the luxury of spacious, and private accommodations.

To me, the bathroom is the biggest loss. Neither has a sink of their own (even at Crista, the small rooms had a sink and medicine cabinet/vanity) so they must now tote their personal belongings to and from the common bathroom just to brush their teeth. The toilet is meant to serve 5 residents (the 6th has a private bathroom of her own) but when someone is showering, the bathroom is in use for longer periods of time. This arrangement is problematic, obviously. Thankfully, Mom has a portable commode which she never used until moving into the AFH but it's now an essential item.

Wow, I say. This is change, big change. This is but one example why each move constitutes such upheaval. I don't hear them voice these annoyances much (it's more about the food or the variable attentiveness of staff) but I'm sure that it's difficult to adapt to changes as basic as self care and toileting. It would be for me; I certainly wouldn't like to be in the midst of living the "common bathroom" style of my earlier life. The private sink and toilet with a door that shuts itself off from the shower/tub area in my current bathroom looks luxurious. And, it is. Until now I've taken it for granted.

All this pondering on myriad aspects of aging and reading the well written new blog from the NY Times, entitled The New Old Age, has all of us "boomers" (those of us dealing with elderly parents especially) facing a grim reality. Unless we plan ahead, we too will fall between cracks and have to settle. When there are no defined plans or stated expectations and desires, when the time comes we (and our children) will scramble to do the best we can. I'm learning that if what we want is to stay put wherever we are, surrounded by the world we've created up until that point, we must plan thoughtfully. Sooner than later. We cannot remain in a state of denial; the end always comes. If you want your private bathroom as you age, envision it, design it, make it happen while you still have the wits.